11 Oct The Biggest Myths about Divorce Mediation
According to a careful estimation, an average divorce in the US costs around $10,000. In New York, this can cost even more! Divorces are hard as it is. They already bring heartbreak, mental stress and trauma; to top that with financial strain makes it even more difficult. So why are divorces so expensive? It is because nine times out of ten, people tend to hit the courts – hiring divorce attorneys to have long legal battles that are quite cumbersome both financially and mentally. But this really doesn’t have to be the only route to go.
In our previous post, we have already discussed why divorce mediation can be better than hiring a divorce lawyer. We had also discussed the few situations where the divorce mediation might not work. But overall, to be able to resolve the separation in an amicable manner with as less financial damage as possible, divorce mediation is the way to go.
While divorce mediation is getting increasingly popular these days, there still are some common misconceptions regarding it. Let us debunk seven of the biggest divorce mediation myths one by one with some genuine facts.
Myth #1: The Mediator Might Favor My Partner
A divorce mediator is a neutral person whose only job is to solve things between the two separating parties as pleasantly and as amicably as possible. A divorce mediator never picks sides, EVER. Also, most people fail to differentiate between an “arbitrator” and a “mediator”. A mediator would ensure that the couple reaches to a consensus acceptable for both parties. A mediator does not possess the power to overrule anything mutually agreed on by the couple. He would work with the couple until they both find solutions, which are acceptable for both. An arbitrator, however, can take a legal binding decision, so a mediator is the way to go if you want to have maximum say in the ways you two separate.
Myth #2: Only Retried Judges Make Good Mediators
One of the biggest misconceptions regarding divorce mediation is that your mediator must be a former judge or divorce attorney. While it is true that many lawyers and former judges offer divorce mediation, a mediator needs to have a lot more than just ample knowledge in divorce law. Strategic thinking, excellent communication skills and the ability to handle nerve-wrecking emotional situations are the qualities a divorce mediator must possess.
Myth #3: My Mediator Might Reflect Gender Bias
Countless times, we have witnessed a man stressing over the fact that a woman is mediating his divorce. Like with any profession, if you are good at what you do, things like your gender doesn’t matter.
Your mediator’s judgment will never be clouded based on their gender; neither would they side with any of the party simply based on gender.
Myth #4: I Had a Cheating Spouse, So Divorce Mediation Would Fail
Are you still feeling betrayed, resentful and bitter towards your spouse? Do you think being with them in the same room would never work? Well, here you are mistaken. A divorce mediation would help you to look forward and let go of the past. In the presence of a neutral mediator, you would be able to focus on what matters for your future and handle your matters in an effective manner. So, in a way, a divorce mediation is an incredible support for you to letting go of your past.
Myth #5: As a Breadwinner, I’ll Lose More Money
Child support, alimony, attorney expenses – when you are the sole breadwinner in a relationship, the law deems you responsible for bearing all the expenses. However, quite contrary to popular belief, in a divorce mediation you can reach to a mutual settlement with your soon to be ex-spouse and may save money. Child support and alimony could both be negotiated with better terms. Plus, you would save the attorney fee anyways, which in the case of a legal divorce, you would be liable to pay for your partner’s attorney as well.
Myth #6: Couples End up in Court Even after a Divorce Mediation
Okay, so a lot of people tend to have this idea in their heads that even after a divorce mediation, both parties would have to go to court to sort out their matters. This belief is even stronger among people with bigger assets and property. This misconception stems from the belief that a divorce mediation and a couple’s therapy is basically the same thing. Some believe financial matters cannot be sorted in a mediation. You need to understand that a divorce mediation is not going to fix things between you two. It’s just a way to part ways as comfortably as possible. So no, once you have settled on your divorce through mediation, you are pretty much done.
MYTH # 7: You Can Reconcile with Your Partner through Divorce Mediation
Again, many people wrongfully believe that since divorce mediation provide a fair chance to settle disputes between the two partners, there are still hopes for reconciliations. A divorce mediation would only help you ending things on a better term, especially if you two plan on co-parenting later. It would help you and your partner to negotiate better separation terms. Nothing goes beyond that!
Filing a divorce in the court is like filing any other case in the court, such as suing a client. Therefore, the amount of time needed to resolve such matters would require similar time. A divorce mediation saves you all that hassle. You can settle everything without ever stepping foot in court. A fun fact: the judges get happier when a couple decides to settle their matters privately outside of court. That is because the burden on the US family courts is constantly increasing. Another reason you should probably consider divorce mediation over a court room case is the privacy of your matters.