Divorce can always be a turbulent time in one’s life, even if it’s mostly uncontested. Divorce mediation offers a more cost-effective, amicable means of separation. If you choose divorce mediation over divorce litigation, here are some crucial tips for preparation.

Both Parties Must Fully Agree

You and your spouse have to come to an agreement that mediation is a better alternative for your divorce than litigation. You need to be able to bring the conversation to the table in good faith and go over the pros and cons of divorce mediation. You don’t have to be entirely uncontested on all matters of your divorce for mediation to be a better alternative to litigation

When we say both parties must agree to divorce mediation, we mean both parties must wholeheartedly agree. If one party is more interested in litigating the divorce, mediation may not be the best option.

You should also talk about the logistics behind mediation. Will both parties be willing to split the fees? Can both parties commit to mediation sessions during the same time frames? It’s very beneficial to have these questions placed on the table and resolved before beginning mediation.

Do Your Research On Divorce Mediation

Get organized with what you need for divorce mediation. Make a master list of all your assets and possessions, whether an item is yours or your spouses. This should include all real property, even rentals and vacation homes, personal property (especially of high value), all types of vehicles, bank accounts (whether joint or separate), credit cards, retirement accounts, life insurance policies, annuities, stocks etc. You must account for everything you own – even items that are not jointly owned.

You’ll also need to get records for income sources such as paystubs, profit from self-employment and loss statements, pension disbursements, social security, etc. When it comes to expenses, create a list of recurring expenses as well as ongoing liabilities so that all mortgage payments, car loans, health insurance costs, food, utilities, student loans, credit card payments etc. are accounted for.

It’s paramount that you complete your financial affidavit for court accurately during the dissolution process. If not filled out accurately, your financial situation could be at risk. Making an early rough draft is a good idea so that when your mediation comes to an end, your information is error-free.

Set Your Goals

This can be a difficult aspect of preparation – but it’s extremely important. Spend considerable time figuring out what you can live with letting go and what you cannot. Make a list of what you feel you may be able to live without, what may be negotiated, and what you simply will not let go of.

It’s also a good idea to look at your budget right now and draft what it may be like post-divorce. This way, you can have a good understanding of how to budget for your new, independently financial life.

Think About Your Kids

Divorce can be hard on children, even if they aren’t drawn through a custody battle. It’s imperative you communicate with them about what’s taking place and how life may change for the entire family. It’s just as important that you speak with them together as parents. Before you talk to them, agree on how it will be done. Make sure you know how to answer their questions without divulging any adult information. They likely know something is going on, but need to hear that both parents will continue to love and support them – that everything will be okay.

Even though your marriage is dissolving, you still have important responsibilities as a parent. Make sure you’re patient with them, as they make take time to understand their own emotions surrounding the divorce.

It’s important that you know how to co-parent. There are classes you can take for co-parenting. As children grow older, both parents’ roles in their lives change. It’s important that you’re able to speak with your ex-spouse about what is expected in terms of raising your child.

Research Before Hiring

Not everyone who expresses themselves as a divorce mediator has actually been trained in mediation. Many states have no laws that mandate training. Make sure you do research on mediators and their experience with divorce mediation.

Some good questions to ask a mediator:

• Are you certified in basic mediation/family mediation?
• Where did you receive your certification from?
• How many cases have you mediated and what kind?