Some marriages simply aren’t meant to be. You and your spouse might be in a feud about how your divorce will play out. You may have chosen to mediate your divorce, but aren’t sure how any mediator could possibly help facilitate the two of you through the divorce process. The truth is, you may have to change your mindset regarding the relationship you have with your spouse in order for the mediation to be both amicable and successful.

So what exactly is an amicable divorce? Essentially, an amicable divorce is one in which both you and your spouse can come to mutually beneficial divorce agreements, whether they are regarding child custody, child support, property allotment, etc.

Going Into Divorce Mediation With The Right Mindset

Firstly, you should make the decision to mediate your divorce without blame. There’s a lot of temptations for couples to blame each other for the failure of their marriage. If you place the blame on yourself, you’ll just end up feeling guilty. So, naturally, you feel the need to place the blame on your spouse, even if it requires justifications and rationalizations that only make sense to you. Perhaps the two of you were simply incompatible. Perhaps you had a great relationship in the beginning, but your passion for each other eventually dissipated. Regardless of what happened, if you choose to mediate your divorce, do so without blaming one another. Focus more on moving forward. It didn’t work out, but that should not suggest it is one party’s fault.

Secondly, you need to try to focus on the big picture. You may get hung up over trifles in your divorce and fight ruthlessly over them for months, but is that really worth it? You should take the time to think about your wants, needs, and non-negotiables. Focus on those when negotiating. This type of mindset is particularly important if you have children. Their physical and emotional wellbeing is paramount.

Thirdly, remember to negotiate your divorce terms in good faith. Never hide assets or under-report your income. Be truthful and make sure your divorce is a “good faith negotiation”. Both parties should disclose all when it comes to finances and ensure to the best of their abilities that the information is correct. Finances include anything relating to assets, debts, income, tax returns, bank accounts, etc. You and your spouse will need a complete picture of what issues need to be brought to the table and resolved. A good faith negotiation will help build some trust between you and your soon-to-be ex.

Fourthly, remember – if you have children, place their needs first. You’ll need to come up with a co-parenting plan that meets your child’s needs more than your own. Mediation allows you to come up with your own co-parenting agreement and not drag your children through a custody battle, which can be detrimental to them.

Lastly, make sure you work out your divorce agreements in an environment of both respect and dignity. In divorce litigation, it can be difficult to do this since both you and your soon-to-be ex are pinned against one another in an adversarial environment. But if you are mediating, you can treat one another with some degree of respect, and be able to maintain your own dignity in doing so.