24 Feb How to Prepare For Your Initial Consultation for a Divorce Mediation
Going through a divorce is often an extremely stressful experience for you and your family. Even under the best of circumstances, it can leave you feeling emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed. Divorce mediation is a great first step towards making your divorce go as smoothly as possible.
For many, the concept of divorce mediation is new. Since both parties are involved in the entire process, it’s important to be on top of your case so there is no confusion. No doubt the mediator will guide you and tell you everything involved in the process. That is the role of the mediator, to give you all the tools needed to make your divorce go as smoothly as possible.
It can still be nerve-wracking to walk into a mediator’s office to start your divorce mediation and not know what’s going to happen. In your initial consultation, your mediator will provide you with an overview of what to expect in your case, with a specific agenda of what will be discussed in the first mediation.
If you’re interested in a head start on what to expect from this process, here is a basic client checklist that may help get you thinking about the issues that will come up and need to be discussed with your spouse as you work together to reach agreements on all of the issues related to your divorce. Having certain things like your financial assets organized will help sort out the divorce process easily.
- Custody/Parenting: Issues include custody, weekly schedule, holidays and special days; co-parenting issues such as communication, childcare issues, new partners, travel/moving, etc.
- Child Support and additional expenses for children outside of base child support including health insurance, medical expenses,, extra-curricular activities, life insurance, college expenses, etc.
- Spousal Support including temporary support, long-term support and tax issues.
- Spousal health insurance.
- Assets and debts: Identify and allocate between spouses including logistics and related issues such as house sale issues, household items, vehicles, bank accounts, investments, retirement transfer issues, stock and option vesting issues, business issues, etc.
- Tax issues regarding settlement, support, future tax filing related to dependents.
- How to share mediation fees, separate attorneys’ fees and fees of other professionals.
- Resolution of future disputes including options for co-parenting, mediation, private judge.
The whole point of mediation is to resolve your divorce amicably. Neither party is going to get everything they want. You shouldn’t enter the mediation process with the goal of “winning”. You’re probably going to have to make some difficult decisions and be open to creative solutions. Drop all preconceived notions about what is “fair” or how your case should be resolved. An open mind is a must. Most couples can find agreement on points before mediation even starts, like who will keep the house or what the custody schedule will be. The more you can agree on in advance, the easier and less costly you mediation will be.
Although divorce is an extremely emotional process, it’s best to approach divorce mediation like a business negotiation. It’s about working out your financial and custodial issues, not about righting perceived wrongs. Look forward to your future, not backwards.
People mistakenly think divorce is about getting justice for things that happened during their marriage, like an affair, overspending, or laziness. That is not what divorce is about. Divorce is about dividing up your assets and debts in a way that allows both of you to move on. That’s why you should focus on your financial and personal goals for the future. Forget about the past.
Divorce involves complex legal and financial issues. You need someone who can help you identify and deal with them properly. While you don’t need to be an attorney to qualify as a divorce mediator, it’s best to make sure your mediator is also a licensed divorce attorney. The divorce laws are applied differently in every part of the country, due to local customs or “rules of thumb.” A mediator from a different county or state won’t know how cases are resolved where you reside. They also aren’t easily accessible. Choose a divorce mediator with a real local office.