When you go through a divorce, it’s not just your life and the life of your child or children that will be affected in many ways. Even your parents will have to adjust to your new life. No matter what age you are, they’ll always want to protect you. They may have feelings of resentment grow toward your ex-spouse. But it’s important they learn how to adjust to the new scenario, especially for their own grandchildren. Here are some dos and don’ts that your parents should follow for your own wellbeing and the wellbeing of your children.

How Grandparents Can Help You During And After Your Divorce

Do: Your parents should plan on how to deal with the new norm after your divorce. This may mean sitting down with your child and, if it’s possible, your ex-spouse, to make it clear that their only goal as grandparents is to be supportive of your children.

Don’t: Your parents should never use your child to get back at your ex-spouse through any means. There’s likely already enough emotional turmoil going on with you and your ex-spouse. Your parents should stay out of that and focus on supporting your child’s emotional stability and adjustment period instead.

Do: Your parents should adjust to the new living scenario, to new boundaries and feelings towards your ex-spouse, who many have been a member of your family for years. Their adjustment to your new scenario may be crucial to your own adjustment.

Don’t: Your parents should never badmouth your child’s other parent in front of them. Your ex-spouse could have proven themselves to be a horrible family member. But even if this is the case, and your parents feel strongly about it, your child does not need to hear about it. They likely have a limited understanding of what caused the divorce, and that bond they have with both their parents should remain the way it is and not be swayed by opinion.

Do: Your parents should do all they can to help bring perspective to your children if you enter a new relationship. It’s up to you if you want to move into a new relationship, but it may be hard on for your child to understand and adjust to this sort of transition. Your parents may be able to help make this transition a little less difficult on your children. They can be an authoritative and guiding voice. New relationships after divorce come with stepparents, step brothers, and step grandparents. Your child may hold a sense of bitterness with you for choosing to start a new life with someone else, so it may be difficult for them to hear you out. Your parent can help them understand that even though the family is growing, they are still loved the same amount.

Don’t: Your parents shouldn’t overindulge your children with material items. It is their prerogative, and many grandparents feel the need to shower their grandkids with toys, trips, etc. Especially if there’s turmoil going on in their life (ie. divorce). But likely won’t help your child in their adjustment to your divorce. What your children need is loving time spent with your parents – not material items.

Do: Your parents should keep a civil relationship with your ex-spouse’s parents. They are going through a similar situation, and they likely have just as much love for your children as your parents do. There are many situations in which they may run into them. So, it’s best for them to keep a positive rapport with them. There may also be times when your ex-spouse’s parents would like to spend more time with your kids. Your parents need to find a common ground with your ex-spouse’s parents on this matter and never pull the children into any disagreements.

Don’t: Your parents cannot be taken advantage of by your children. Grandparents love to bend rules for their grandkids, especially if they feel it’s going to make them happy. And they may very well believe that’s a good thing to do for their grandchild while you’re going through a divorce or after.

Grandparents can truly help both you and your children out during a divorce. It’s important though that they know how to handle certain situations as divorce can become complicated – especially when children are involved.