28 Jul The Pros & Cons Of “Nesting” Co-Parenting Arrangements

“Nesting” is a situation in which, depending on matters of child custody, two parents will alternate living in their marital home as opposed to having their child go back and forth from each parents’ home (sometimes during divorce, sometimes during and after). Many parents know that divorce in and of itself can take an emotional toll on a child. Parents don’t want their children having to deal with the emotional drawbacks of going back and forth from home to home, having two bedrooms, two sets of toys, and two different lifestyles. So, they take on the burden and adjust themselves. Both parents have their own place to live, but keep the marital home and continue to raise their child there. The concept does seem to make sense when it comes to maintaining a child’s sense of normalcy, but it also has its pros and cons.

The Financial Pros Of Nesting Plans

• You could maintain your marital home and purchase a small studio apartment or one bedroom. This could decrease your post-marital housing costs.
• With a smaller place, bills such as cable TV or utilities etc. may not be as burdensome.
• Going straight into a nesting plan leaves options open. You could decide to sell your marital home later on when you feel your child is mature enough to adjust to a different lifestyle.
• When you’re in the middle of a divorce, emotions are running wild. It may be a better decision to keep the marital home and rent as opposed to making huge financial decisions that could hurt you in the long run.
• If the housing market is down at the time of your divorce or after, nesting may make sense – particularly if your alternate home is small and inexpensive.

The Emotional Pros Of Nesting Plans

• Whereas younger children may be okay with moving back and forth between two homes, teenagers may not. They may prefer a nesting plan, having already settled into their school, made local friends, etc.
• You may not be able to say goodbye to your marital home. A transitional period may actually help you with closure.

The Financial Cons Of Nesting Plans

• When you co-own the marital home, there could be arguments when you go to sell, such as who will be responsible for repair payments.
• There could be tax consequences. Who will get to deduct the mortgage interest and real estate taxes under their 1040?
• It can be difficult to share the financial responsibilities for the home’s upkeep. Having to discuss these issues can lead to controversy.
• A nesting plan could make child support a confusing matter.

The Emotional Cons Of Nesting Plans

• Divorce is essentially the uncoupling of lives. Although this may be hard on children, it’s an eventuality.
• It may feel like you’re reliving the past when you’re in your marital home, which may stir up raw emotions. Sleeping in the same bed you used to sleep in with your ex-spouse, eating at your old dinner table, roaming the same corridors – all of this can bring back either happy or painful memories, and you might not want either.
• Privacy can become an issue. What happens if you leave personal items there when your ex-spouse is inhabiting the home? What if you’re dating someone else, and you leave something of significance from him or her? Consider how you would feel if your ex-spouse found something like that, or how you would feel?
• This nesting plan can also be confusing for children. They must stay while their parents come and go.
• What happens if you or your ex-spouse does decide to date another? How will that significant other feel about this type of situation? What if they are weary about it?
• These are all crucial elements of the nesting plan that parents must take into account before deciding upon it.